insomnia strikes again and again

Clock is ticking, "tick tock tick tock".
It shows that it has passed midnight, it continues to tick.
"tick tock tick tock" an hour passed by.
"tick tock tick tock" 2 hours passed by..
My eyes are tired, and body needs to rest, but i'm not sleeping.
So, i decided to wake up and do some light reading.
Picking up the book by my side and started to read  a chapter or two, trying to tire my eyes.
I thought i'm all exhausted, then i switch off the lights and close my eyes.
I was so tired, and i feel sense a probability of falling asleep.
So i cherished in my heart saying "Yes, finally i'm falling asleep"
Switching off the lights and quickly cuddle myself
Rolling left and right, deep and shallow
I feel the tears rolling off my eyes
It's the tears of fatigue
but the god damn eyes just got brighten and refreshed
What? Yes
So, my eyes are energized after releasing the tired hormones through tear drops
Then i switch on the lights again
What else do i do?
I started to knit and checking messages and instagram on phone
When my eyes tend to feel tired again, i switch off the lights
This time, i stressed myself that i have to sleep
So, here i go switching off the lights again and hit the sack
Nightmare happens
I ain't falling asleep yt
What else to do?
I check the phone again and sleep.
Finally, it's now almost 3am.
And my eyes are closing and resting.
My brain is still not power off officially yt,
because i dream almost every night.

The next day i wake up at 9am.

It repeats everyday and it's getting worse.
I don't know what to do.
I had insomnia when i was in form 4,
and i believed that that time was the hormone inbalance
because i was still at an age of puberty.
It sometimes happens as well,
but only for a short term,
usually during exam period.
But once exam's over, it's over.

One thing to be sure, my health been deteriorating since year 2,
I know i've mentioned this for a few times in the previous posts,
but i actually got quite weak body.
During sem 1, i always/ have weekly sickness,
i always feel unwell for at least once a week.
I have to pop pills and medicine, i know it's bad, but it's the fatest way to get well.
And porbably because of that my immune system has been bad,
and near the end of the semester, facing too much of stressors,
i take flu and fever medicine that can cause drowsiness to help me sleep.
I know this sounds illogical,
but i really did that.
In sem 2,
i was overburdened by too much of activities and responsibilities,
it's not that i can't sleep,
but i don't have time to sleep.
Habits changed from year 1 to year 2,
from sleeping time at 12am to 3am/4am/5am/no sleep at all.
To stay awake,
from a coffee lover that loves to enjoy coffee and indulge to pamper myself
to a coffee addict that couldn't concentrate without caffeine.
For 2 whole months, 1 month for assignments, and 1 month for exams.
And since then, i never sleep well.

I've tried all things since i'm bak to hometown,
I sleep at 11.30pm, no caffeine, no supper, workout, fewer naps, calming and soothing tea that helps to sleep, bought new bolster to ensure sleep quality, and regular meals.
But nothing works.
Searched for all kinds of insomnia treatment, but just won't help.
It's at the moment that i even wished that someone would give me a punch at my face,
right enough to make me fall asleep.
I refused to take sleeping pills or anymore drowsy medicine to put me to sleep,
it's still medicine after all and has side effects.
I thought sleeping pills are like tranquilizer tat calms you and slow down brain activity,
I'm afraid if i started taking, i won't be able to stop,
and my brain will start damaging,
i still have dreams to achieve...

Tell me, tell me what to do,
i really need some sleep.

Toilet manner: How do you queue?

Since i came back from KL, i'm very motivated to blog and today i'm gonna blog about what i saw in the toilet. FYI, i'm now working as part time weekend promoter in Watsons, Kuantan Parade. So, if you happen to be there, do drop by and say hello :)

I don't remember when and who was it that blogged about toilet manner once ago, but i remember vividly and i whole-heartedly agree and practice them till now, for years already. Besides keeping the toilet and the compound clean, there is one habit that people often missed out. The "Queueing manner". That blogger gave me a very good idea on how to queue.

You queue in a line, at the free spaces in the toilet, instead of standing in front of each cubicle. You get what i mean?

so, to let you understand better for what i'm trying to say, 

i drew this cute piece. Scenario 1 showing usual queueing manner, 

and Scenario 2 showing how it should be. 

*after done drawing only i realized that i got unisex toilet ._. *

So, by queueing in a common line, even if one who has some diarrhea problem and needs to occupy the toilet for some time, it won't affect you, because you don't wait for him/her outside cubicle. You still get to choose, and the order goes by first come, first serve. I don't mind if people standing behind me cut my queue when there's a vacant seated toilet, because i usually don't go for those, unless in a clean shopping mall or hotels, provided they ask first la. But, i feel a bit of annoyed when the people here they freaking cut my queue. Of course, i tend to talk to them if they're overboard but sometimes i just take it as "Aiya, people here got no sense of toilet manner." Well, back then in KL, a lot of people have been practicing this habit, not all, but back in Kuantan is like a lot of people have not been practicing and only a small number of people do this. I find the toilet manner her is really bad, i got no idea that they pretended they don't see you or they really got no idea to queue that way. Queueing outside of each cubicle is like betting/ gambling, see your luck if the people is using the toilet fast or not. And i heard, foreigners are queueing in one common line too, i really hope Malaysians could learn this up quick. I'm tired of the queue cutting.

So, how's your toilet manner?

kbyethx,

see you soon, 

xoxo.

Coincidentally found this blogger having the same thoughts as me when i was googling image for proper toilet manner, and apparently i failed and this is why you see the unisex toilet drawing above. -.- Ok, so share you the link as well, you may wanna read? :) Pardon My Randomness

Kiki Kamaruddin a.k.a. Kak Steering Lock

I'm always generous to give free publicity to those who tries so hard to get famous, especially in a notorious way. Yeah, ikr, me so kind :p Ok not saying that i'm so famous like blogger Xiaxue, when she blogs about one freaking ant, the whole world blocks the ant. But erm, just trying to write something to express my thoughts and then i'll stop talking about her, or them. Kind of like making a proper ending and then move on? Whatever. But obviously today i'm gonna blog about the CURRENT RED PEOPLE, *duhhhh* Tadahhh !!

Kiki Kamaruddin a.k.a. Kak Steering Lock

So this incident happened in Kuantan, *damn mempersiasuikan* on Tuesday, there was one road rage video that went viral around Malaysia, or even internationally,*idk,perhaps* wild spread within hours. Kak Steering Lock was driving a brand new Peugeot 208, with the car plate CDM25 and Uncle Sim (the victim /.\, pity him) he accidentally hit on her bumper, i would say kissed instead, because according to Uncle Sim, he himself doesn't even realized that his car bumped onto hers. Then she got out from the car, and knocked Uncle's car vigorously then open his door. She then grabbed his car key and steering lock then hit on Uncle's car, everywhere, the windows, front cover, and make a few deep dents, shouting like a mad and extorted for RM2000 as compensation. Uncle replied her politely but she just kept roaring and barking saying "I don't care! Pay me 2 thousand now!". When she moved her car a bit to check the damage on her car, she just f*cking being racist and humiliated Uncle with "Dia Cina, dia ingat dia ni bagus sangat, dia stupid" smtg like that. While from the beginning till the end, uncle was calm and steady, talked nicely and did not even raise his voice. The whole thing was captured in video and uploaded to the facebook. 

*for those who missed this, please click the link below:

Road Rage - Kiki Kamaruddin

Of course, like any other, i got really angry at this, and was really irritated. Some even dug her name, her mobile number, address, company, like page, facebook page, all kind of personal details and even trolled her with 9 gag pictures, Thor, and blah. Everyone scolded and is still scolding her for such abusive and violent actions and words. Some of the people said we, the netizens (social media users) should stop cyber abuse, and what is there left to make us different from her if we continue with the cyber bullying? Well, let me highlight a few points here and see how we can see this thing from some other perspectives: *Okay, to some of the friends who wrote this, don't get too offended, this post wasn't written to go against you, there are also some blogger that has said the same thing. I'm just writing about my thoughts. Chill ! :)*

Perspective 1: The netizens being too overboard

The incident has happened for 2 days, and the whole Malaysia is still spamming her with hate comments, and negative critiques. And this is an action that affects only Uncle not the whole community, why is there like no turning back? As if there's no chance that she could be forgiven? Every human makes mistake, why can't we be generous and open-hearted? While the victim of the whole incident, Uncle Sim has already chosen to forgive her? She owes the world nothing, she doesn't have to apologize to the whole world.

Perspective 2: The power of social media

Things can spread like wild fire on social media within hours, minutes and even secs, and becomes a chilli hot topic of the day, for examples, Red People Charles Tee Bye Malaysia video, Playboy Bunny Felixia Yeap converting to Islam. Social media, especially Facebook, has an leaping increment of users and subscribers, has become one of an important source of information at the 21st century. Without noticing it, we have now slowly switched from traditional and mainstream media to alternative media, a.k.a. internet. This is not the first case, and each of us who lives in a computer literate era, should have known and well informed that the power of social media is no joke. Therefore, each of us should realized and always be reminded that every action of you in public is being watched. This is something we should always bear in mind, it's absolute, don't ask why, unless you choose to live in a place of nature, where there will be no contact with the world through electronic gadgets. 

Perspective 3: Social responsibilities

I don't know how many people would agree with me on this, but to me, every people has their own social responsibilities, be it a lil children, a cop, a cleaner or anybody. The way you carry yourself and portrays yourself, true is something very personal, but at the same time you have the social responsibilities. You never know things you have said or actions you have done could affect/ influence someone else, especially in public. Therefore, a punishment has to be granted, to make sure there is no one who would follow her footsteps. So, it might be some kind of social responsibilities of each of us has a citizen, to call a difference between right and wrong?

Perspective 4: You are no one to judge
True, we are no one to judge, but we have our rights to speak as well ! Speaking to your conscience, each of us know how to differentiate black and white and how to judge. Since we can't do any physical punishment, verbal punishment is the biggest we can do. We have our rights to speak as well, posting on our page :/ *i know, this perspective is a bit of...farfetched/ unconvincing /.\ *

Perspective 5: Padan muka lah! She's racist what.
I would say..."Damn it, she really is, such a racist" Accidents happen everyday, but it's definitely own personal driving skills. Even if you got no good impression about certain race, you don't have to do it in the public. *i'm not saying silent racism is encouraged, i encourage to settle things face to face, heart to heart.* She's racist, and this is what she gets. Peoples are all so annoyed with racial issue already, and from what we can read from the comments, we actually could really tolerate with each other, and all of us stood for uncle regardless of his race. Being cheated by Chinese should not be an excuse to throw vulgar words to uncle. I have experienced my car being hit by Indian motorcyclist, so? I still have very good Indian friends.

Perspective 6: Padan muka! Being so rude and disrespectful to elders.
Oh, I really cannot tahan this. At an age of 22, i have old parents too, also around the age of Uncle Sim. Putting yourself in the shoes, do you feel angry and wanted to slap her face? Seriously, it's conscience! True feelings that born in our heart consisting of sympathy and care, we wanted to protect the Uncle, because we are not there when the incident happened. Some kind of feelings that we wanted to compensate harm she did on Uncle.

Perspective 7: Why were there no one willing to help?
I guess most of the people are afraid that the steering lock would land on their face. /.\ Normal but shameful reaction. I would not say i would stand out to help because you'll be saying i am saying belated words 马后炮, but i would definitely not let him face alone. Be it getting out of car or honking.

Perspective 8: It's not that netizens refused to stop, but she doesn't want to stop.
Humans are forgetful, they don't really care about anything that they would immediately shift their attention when some new issues arised. Simple, you just have to keep quiet, apologize and probably just make an official statement, something like "Uncle has already forgive me, I'm so sorry for what i've done, i hope i have not make a bad influence to the people and hope all of you would give me a chance to repent..". In one week's time, nobody's gonna rmb you. But you chose to post non-stop, sarcastically and egoistic, you're really digging your own grave. Being arrogant and insincere, she insulted us, the netizens and also the daughter of the uncle who wanted to sue her. *bravo世界一大奇葩*

Perspective 9: I did not post on facebook! I already deactivated my profile since that day.
Ohhhhh......i doubt this. It could probably be true, but somehow i think you pretended to be hacked, bitch. Anyway, if this was true, and your facebook accounts were hacked, i can only say, you're unfortunate. So malang that people know you're on hot pot and still wanna frame you, i guess you must have offended some people seriously..

Perspective 10: The most idiotic *excuse me* unreasonable action by the radio stations
So, on Thursday morning, she appeared on a few radio stations, MyFM, Era FM, Hitz FM and Fly FM. The DJs interviewed her and listen from her side of story, of course she made those monkey shows la, cry la, tear la, apologize la.blahhh and what? Labelling the cyber critiques as cyber bully? I was like *duuuuhhhhh*. I have to say i really like some DJs and the way they host but i couldn't agree with this move, interviewing her. So they're definitely giving a very bad example to the public that "If you have done something wrong, you can appear on radio stations and be hero as you wish and of course gain more attention." This is so wrong ! I do not condemn whether it is their faults or the company's arrngement, but this is wrong for sure and they have wrong attention. They should have invited Uncle Sim instead of her.

Anyway, there's one big thing that many of us have missed, his calm and forgiveness is something we should learn. In such a multi-racial community, it is important to have such great tolerance and calm when facing some agitating situations. And i really salute Star Radio group, *not being sycophant, i got nothing in return though i'm one of the staff* for inviting Uncle Sim for interview session to share his wise thoughts. He's such a wise man that teaches us to spread love, not hate.

So, since then, i'm gonna stop blabbing about her and gonna learn more from Uncle Sim, let's cherish #UncleSim instead of #CDM25 for his wise thoughts. Though i'm not perfect, but i'm slowly learning and hope now we could focus on something else instead of this useless Kiki. Came across one of my fav blogger, Daphne Charice's vlog. I couldn't agree more, stop sharing shits on facebook, i wanted to say this long ago too, but somehow i ddin't made up the courage and just ignore them. Once in awhile, i do share stupid shits, some was meant to insult them for info-less content(or in other words, being stupid), ok, i know, stop sharing. But really...stop sharing it, if you find it useless. You can always remove the link after you've read it whatttt..Share more love, and stop the negativity! :)) Will try to remind myself to share less negative posts on social media onwards :) You know, you don't have to share to make the sakais even popular, which they got no talent or wise thoughts to deserve that. Let me conveniently insult these guys as well.... I seriously don't know who you are and have not heard of you before until the day you revealed and exposed your stupidity...and being curious, i clicked one of the video of the 红人hosting it. And you freaking tell me what life is? -.- You think you wanna tell me that? seriously? I've been through much more compared to you, you young cows... Ok, out of topic, stop insulting people Joycelyn Chu !!! Hahahahah, okay, that's all for today.

xoxo,
see you soon.
kbyethx,

Sympathy? No, not so much from me.

Alright the topic sounds really harsh, but read before you give any nasty comments.

People who often get along with me knows that I'm an easy person who would shed tear over trivial matters or even dramas, but it doesn't mean that i'm weak or i'm emotional, but i'm easily touched. That's it. But things go different for me while some people consider this as something unfortunate on certain cases:

Let me give a few examples;
There was once a presentation and sharing session in the class, Visual Anthropology, where each of us have to do a video of something, either in documentary or story form, anything. So, after presenting mine, then i quietly watch my classmate's. She was doing about soup kitchen in pasar seni. It is there every Sunday morning to help with the homeless. Okayh...i got no so much comments on the homeless.. but the 1st interviewee said that he has 2 sons, and his wife is away. idk why, but he mentioned that each time his wife is back, he will go "check-in hotel" with her. I was like WTF, i got so mad ! i know i mean it doesn't even has anything to do with me but the problem is he is abusing the people's sympathy who is giving out free food and clothes. He actually has the spending power to go for hotel and probably condoms but he got no money for the children and food???!!! Like seriously???!!! *roll eyes*

Alright, so they calm me down and proceeded to the 2nd interviewee, i forget her name (nevermind, since she's not important), the lady has a son, she's 35, was a pub singer back then and currently jobless, staying in a rumah setinggan somewhere near Pasar Seni. She had 9 children, at an age of 35, but she gave 8 of them away because she got no ability to raise them and my classmate asked her why not send the children to Jabatan Kebajikan then go and get work and live a better life since she could not even afford normal day livings for the children? She said she gave all children away and she really wanted to keep this one and sound really pity. Of course, i got really emotional again. Because to me, this is called irresponsible and brainless act, if you got no way to bring up your children then don't even get pregnant ! True, those who have higher education background tends to plan for their family size and practice appropriate birth control while those who have lower education background tends to have bigger family size. But to me, it is a "a priori" knowledge that "sexual intercourse may create lives", thus, if you hold on your sexual desire and control it, birth and pregnancy can be controlled. Don't tell me bullshits like "pregnancy can be caused by other ways than sexual intercourse" so, if you don't do it, how the hell can you get pregnant? Blame the society for not hiring you or giving you "jobless and homeless pregnancy allowance" ? Blame yourselves first! True, there might be problems of the policies in the country, but i think parents have to bear all responsibilities of children. Imagine, she's on 35, and she gave birth to 9 children, so one child per year, she's getting pregnant non-stop since she's 26 then. Now, you tell me how normal is this and i really couldn't take this, and the funniest thing, my classmate said she just leave her son aside when it come to clothes distributing. So, now clothes are more important than the son.. 

So, i often don't offer my sympathy to those people esp those with lots of kids. No, don't tell me every human has the desire and sometimes it get lose of control. The biggest different between animals and human is that human speaks, human thinks and human controls. If you can't fo this then what's the difference between you and an animal? Some might say " WalaoA, you also cannot control eating la, that's why you so fat la now!" True, as long as it does not affect others well-being and abuse other's sympathy. Ya, i'm fat, but i don't get food from soup kitchens what. 

Oh, ya, and i would never offer my sympathy to beggars too, esp those from the human trafficking syndicate. You cheated my sympathy once, twice, and you're not getting it from me again. I got so disappointed with those who exploit people's sympathy. *long sigh*

So, how about you ? Do you agree? Well, some of my friends do. I only would offer my sympathy to those who are physically and mentally less capable than us and really pity cases that got no relevance with big family size. :/

P/S: (vocab here) "a priori" meaning innate knowledge/ born knowledge. 

P/SS: During the time i commented on second interviewee, my classmate Nadhir asked" May i ask if you have fall in love before or not? ".. Like, what i'm just being rational what..

am i that rational that makes people feel like i'm stone-hearted or what.. :/