Clock is ticking, "tick tock tick tock".
It shows that it has passed midnight, it continues to tick.
"tick tock tick tock" an hour passed by.
"tick tock tick tock" 2 hours passed by..
My eyes are tired, and body needs to rest, but i'm not sleeping.
So, i decided to wake up and do some light reading.
Picking up the book by my side and started to read a chapter or two, trying to tire my eyes.
I thought i'm all exhausted, then i switch off the lights and close my eyes.
I was so tired, and i feel sense a probability of falling asleep.
So i cherished in my heart saying "Yes, finally i'm falling asleep"
Switching off the lights and quickly cuddle myself
Rolling left and right, deep and shallow
I feel the tears rolling off my eyes
It's the tears of fatigue
but the god damn eyes just got brighten and refreshed
What? Yes
So, my eyes are energized after releasing the tired hormones through tear drops
Then i switch on the lights again
What else do i do?
I started to knit and checking messages and instagram on phone
When my eyes tend to feel tired again, i switch off the lights
This time, i stressed myself that i have to sleep
So, here i go switching off the lights again and hit the sack
Nightmare happens
I ain't falling asleep yt
What else to do?
I check the phone again and sleep.
Finally, it's now almost 3am.
And my eyes are closing and resting.
My brain is still not power off officially yt,
because i dream almost every night.
The next day i wake up at 9am.
It repeats everyday and it's getting worse.
I don't know what to do.
I had insomnia when i was in form 4,
and i believed that that time was the hormone inbalance
because i was still at an age of puberty.
It sometimes happens as well,
but only for a short term,
usually during exam period.
But once exam's over, it's over.
One thing to be sure, my health been deteriorating since year 2,
I know i've mentioned this for a few times in the previous posts,
but i actually got quite weak body.
During sem 1, i always/ have weekly sickness,
i always feel unwell for at least once a week.
I have to pop pills and medicine, i know it's bad, but it's the fatest way to get well.
And porbably because of that my immune system has been bad,
and near the end of the semester, facing too much of stressors,
i take flu and fever medicine that can cause drowsiness to help me sleep.
I know this sounds illogical,
but i really did that.
In sem 2,
i was overburdened by too much of activities and responsibilities,
it's not that i can't sleep,
but i don't have time to sleep.
Habits changed from year 1 to year 2,
from sleeping time at 12am to 3am/4am/5am/no sleep at all.
To stay awake,
from a coffee lover that loves to enjoy coffee and indulge to pamper myself
to a coffee addict that couldn't concentrate without caffeine.
For 2 whole months, 1 month for assignments, and 1 month for exams.
And since then, i never sleep well.
I've tried all things since i'm bak to hometown,
I sleep at 11.30pm, no caffeine, no supper, workout, fewer naps, calming and soothing tea that helps to sleep, bought new bolster to ensure sleep quality, and regular meals.
But nothing works.
Searched for all kinds of insomnia treatment, but just won't help.
It's at the moment that i even wished that someone would give me a punch at my face,
right enough to make me fall asleep.
I refused to take sleeping pills or anymore drowsy medicine to put me to sleep,
it's still medicine after all and has side effects.
I thought sleeping pills are like tranquilizer tat calms you and slow down brain activity,
I'm afraid if i started taking, i won't be able to stop,
and my brain will start damaging,
i still have dreams to achieve...
Tell me, tell me what to do,
i really need some sleep.
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