AHHHH, SO WHATEVER. I'M GONNA RANT HERE.
btw, it's hidden.i don't wanna spoil the image of my blog.
This was about the F.I.N. stuff that i've been busy and got sleepless for 2 weeks. Yes, there are some problems with the organization, they finalized everything too late, and we can barely do anything about it. In short, i did everything on my OWN, except, Joshua who helped me to cut the papers and a few who helped out at the booth. I'm the only one who did every other thing. It is very rushing and very stressful, it's called the Friendship International Networking, there are booths from Indonesia, Japan, Sabah Borneo& Sarawak and Thailand, i just don't wanna lose ugly. So i tried my very best, trying to put all things together. You couldn't imagine one person doing 10 person's work in a week time, i went to Pasar Seni alone to buy all stuffs and prepared every little piece of decorations myself.
I ended up winning nothing at all. I wasn't angry, as i expected, i will not win anything, you can't expect me to win within this lack of time and man power. I accepted it, but nobody prays to lose. I didn't, no matter how bad i did, i will still have that 1% of hope that i'll win, at least something. But apparently, not at all.
And what, you're like telling me you wasted your few hours for nothing? Yea, that few hours might be important, but how about me? i sacrificed my whole week sleep time and study time, i even failed my test, how do you say about it? You might say it's none of your business, but you actually don't remember you're one of the committee in this club, it's just you escaped from it, and i'm the one who have commitment with. We have only 5 chinese in this club, and you two never come, so left with 3. But still, i don't wanna waste your time because i know, nobody would ever want to sacrifice anything for anyone. So, i did all things by myself. Do you know how tiring and stressful i am? Academics has always been very important for me, especially the first sem result. Do you expect me to feel 200% happy with winning nothing at all?
I didn't begged you to join, and you joined because you wanna help me, cause i'm your friend, i assume. You still got merits in return. ( merits are counted for us in order to continue to stay in college) I thought we can like just go and enjoy the night and get some fun knowing foreign students. BUT, you just tell me like you've wasted your time for nothing? Do you know your words upset me a lot? It's like i already don't feel good, but you still wanna put salt on my wound. You're so mean. You've always been like that, i feel so tired. For so many times i don't feel comfortable, but i hide it because i don't want our friendship to get worsen, because i treated you as a friend. Because i believe, you're just straightforward. But do you know your words are like swords? You just poked it right to my heart. I have always been sincere to you, listening to your problems and tried to help you. But you always ended up with words that hurts me. You think i'm robot? i won't feel pain at all? i can tell you, this is not the first time, but i never mention about it, i don't want people to feel that i'm cheapskate or what, and i think i'm mature enough to handle all these, but can't you think on my feet ? I'm so helpless at first, and then i'm upset also just that i didn't show it but doesn't mean i don't feel it, and you still wanna say this?
I knew you don't mean this, you don't mean to hurt, but sometimes the world is not like " Oh, i don't mean it " then everything can be undone. Harm is done, but i just hope you can think of other people's feeling before you say anything. I'm tired. Please, for god's sake, stop hurting people with your words. My heart aches each time i thought of it. Each time i thought of the so-called much appreciated friend who hurt me in form4, though it was childish, but that doesn't feel good. I hope you don't be like her, please, i begged you for it. Sometimes, i asked myself, is it all worth it? I hope it is. I'm a very sensitive person, and please don't disappoint me, anymore.
I'm an anthropology student, i knew exactly your true feeling when you're saying something. i can analyse it.
No comments:
Post a Comment